Intro | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17
After some time, my girlfriend transferred to the college in our hometown and moved in with her mother. Our dramatic love life continued. I saw her a lot more often, and this brought up some new negative states within me. Although jealousy and anger were not as strong as they were before, I had developed a lot of pride in my independence, and I would find it pretty difficult over the following years adjusting to sharing more of my life.
At this point it would have helped if I had paid more attention during the self-discovery course (now available as a free e-book), but I didn’t. Because of being introduced to Zen Buddhism before the courses, I thought I already knew everything there was to know about “self-knowledge.” It seemed that the lectures were repeating the same things I already knew… awareness, observation. Had my pride not prevented me from reading the lectures after the first or second week, I might have actually learned something. Nonetheless, I wanted to get through the course so that I could move on to what I thought to be bigger, better, more important things.
It’s ironic that pride kept me from reading the lessons on the egos of pride.
Anyhow, I think it was in October 2004, at 21 years old, when I moved out of the apartment I had been staying in. I got a studio apartment a couple buildings down from my girlfriend and her mother’s apartment. I liked the transition to living by myself. It gave me plenty of time to do the practices that the courses were describing, and it gave me so much personal freedom, and it was nice living so close to my girlfriend.
In the 3rd course, the “Journey to Enlightenment” course I learned a technique to help me get rid of the egos as they came up. It was called the “death in motion.” Basically, this is done when an ego comes up by appealing/praying internally to one’s Divine Mother for its destruction, because it is the female aspect of God that has the power to destroy, as seen in Kali, the destructive aspect of Shakti (or Divine Mother). At some point Christianity lost the Divine Mother as the pair to the Holy Spirit, although one can easily see the correlation with Mary being “impregnated” by the Holy Spirit. The Hindu equivalent is Shiva-Shakti. (In fact, Hinduism has the divine Trinity as well, Brahma–Vishnu–Shiva/Shakti ==> Father–Son–Holy Spirit/Divine Mother. And the mathematical equivalent would be Zero {source deduced by sum of its parts 1+(-1)+2+(-2)+3+(-3)+…=0}–Infinity minus Infinity = 0 {Son is image of the Father but conceived by union of opposites +/- Infinity}–Positive Infinity/Negative Infinity)
At some point I learned that the name the author went by (Belsebuub) was purportedly the name of his Being. In the course he described a spiritual path that according to him anyone could learn to walk. He said this was the “direct” path of the revolutionary. It was said to begin with a preliminary set of small tests, both in the physical world and the dream world, which made sure someone had qualities to begin the path. Then the kundalini would awaken and the path would begin. The path was described as three mountains. During the first mountain, you, according to the course, would crystallize internal bodies and get rid of egos, incarnating different parts of your true Being, your true self, step by step liberating yourself from the animal egos. The events of life would be put to you in order to bring up egos and help you to destroy them. It was said these events of life on the path may not be easy, that it can be very difficult, but that is the case with the direct path of the revolutionary.
At the end of the first mountain he was said to have incarnated Atman (the part referred to as Master), and he was given his actual name. And then a rest would occur before the second mountain would begin. To begin the second mountain the initiate was said to be required to reach fifty percent of their egos gone. Then the second mountain would begin and they would incarnate the Christ force. The events would mirror internally the life of Jesus and be more difficult than the first mountain because the initiate would be digging deeper into the roots of the egos and building the internal Christ bodies, so it would take even harsher circumstances to bring these egos up.
The lecture said that to walk this path, the revolutionary would have to do three things: (1) destroy the egos, (2) practice Alchemy, and (3) help others spiritually. These three “keys” were said to work together. By dying to the egos, the revolutionary would rescue trapped consciousness. By practicing Alchemy, he would be transforming the energies in the body and crystallizing the spiritual bodies within, incarnating the Being piece by piece. And by helping others spiritually, then the revolutionary would also be helped spiritually in return, which was needed. Besides, Belsebuub wrote, Who has ever heard of a selfish spiritual being?
Wow. All this seemed so crazy epic to me, and so out there as well. But hey anyone can do the first key. I already had a partner for the second key, Alchemy (which deals with sex). And moving forward in the courses seemed to be going toward the third key, as interaction on the forums itself was a form of helping people, as well as informing others of the information.
So instead of criticizing it, I figured I would do the keys and see what happens.
If things could only be so easy…
